Why, yes. I would like to try that!

I was at Whole Foods the other day, staring into the deli case, when the guy behind the counter says, "Hey, I see you here a lot." Found out in the middle of my free food mission, all I can think to do is say, "Yeah, I'm hungry a lot," buy something, and quickly leave.

Damn. A day of free food thwarted! Also, a sign that I need to find a new grocery store.

I like food. And I like free. And any instance where the two combine is pure magic. If you're not already familiar with it, let me introduce you to the free sample. It comes in all shapes and sizes, all flavors and colors, and if you're really strapped for cash and just not interested in another dinner of microwave popcorn, it really hits the spot.

But I'm not talking about Costco free samples (first of all, you have to pay to shop there). I'm talking a classier sample. A sample that has not been sitting on a tray getting soggy or stale for hours. Often an all-natural, organic sample. But here's where you have to be bold - to get these samples, you just need to ask for food. "Can I try this salad? Can I have a slice of cheese? Would you cut this orange open for me?" And THEN, you have to walk away, even though they're staring expectantly at you. With some practice, this is a skill you too can master.

And you can get a sample of almost anything; stare hard enough at the seafood counter, and suddenly you're eating a smoked salmon fillet. Pretend you don't know what a mango is, and the produce guy has one cut-up for you. Free and nutritious.

I suggest stores like Whole Foods and the PCC or anything local for real success; one, it's usually better quality. Two, because their prices are so high they're really interested in pushing the food on you. Please, by alllllllll means.

-K

You know what's Free? Walking. Yes, walking.

"But, I already know walking's free. What the hell are you talking about, you ambiguous idiot?!?"

I'm talking about getting home from the bars/friend's-house-you-were-drinking-at without the worry of a DUI, the cost of a cab, or having to leave early to catch a bus. Sure, you could have a a friend be your designated driver. There's a quick drive down, then a 45 minute scavenger hunt for anything that comes close to resembling a parking space (A free spot of course. Because $12 for a night spot is only in emergency situations when you need to shake your ass at the club ASAP). Then there's the fact that your DD will inevitably get drunk! This is because they feel the need to slam their 2 drinks fast in order to be sober by last call. Unfortunately, the slamming of two drinks leads to a later slamming of two drinks - "We're not leaving for 4 and a half hours! That means my body will have already processed out 2 drinks by midnight. I got this! I'll be ready by Last Call." This invariably leads to a cab ride home FOLLOWED by a morning carpool back to the DD's car that was left downtown!!

This all leads back to my main point- WALKING IS FREE! By the time 2:30am rolls around, you'll be drunk and a 1 hour walk will seem like a 15 minute conversation! Last night, we made the walk from 1st & Denny (Queen Anne) to the edge of Magnolia! It seriously took just under an hour, was accompanied by an excellent conversation, and was totally free! Normally, the cab ride would have been near $15 with tip. Split among two people, that's $7.50 a person. Now think about how much you bring home after taxes for an hour of work... $7.50 is 3 PBR tallboys with tip, people!!! If we had stopped 10 minutes earlier, we would have been on the North Side of Queen Anne. 15 more minutes of walking and we would have been in Ballard! Are you seeing the message? I'm not telling you that walking is free. I'm telling you that it's not a huge ordeal or pain in the ass to do it. As long as you have a conversation partner, your walk will be a fleeting memory and you'll love your bed even more when you get home.

-J